Is it boredom or is it depression?

Hey there, I'm Natalie. I'm 43, but will be turning 44 in December.

I tied the knot with my best friend of almost two decades four years ago, and he's the kind of husband who understands and supports me fully. I have a rescue Shih-Tzu mix that I happily spoil. By choice, I don't have kids. I'm fortunate to have a good, well-paying job that keeps me on my toes. I live in a place with lots to do and plenty of sunshine, which is fantastic most days (except for the scorching summer when it hits 115 degrees). I could go on about all the good things in my life, but no matter what I say, it doesn't change the fact that...

I feel empty, misaligned, and maybe even a bit depressed (or…bored?).

Whatever it is, at this point in life, I know myself well enough to know that this isn't a midlife crisis. It's more like…a midlife awakening. I've realized I'm not the only one who feels this way, either. So many beautiful souls in my orbit are struggling with depression, boredom, anxiety, relationships, finances, or purpose.

Again, I know myself. I have gone through years of therapy (cognitive behavioral, EMDR, and others) to understand why I am the way I am and get a handle on my anxiety and panic disorder, as well as set boundaries. It was through therapy that I learned I wanted to pursue a degree in psychology, with the goal of becoming a licensed clinical mental health counselor or social worker.

So, earlier this year, I began to study full-time and freelance part-time. Shortly after, I felt a sense of purpose and more authenticity in my daily life. Sadly, I found that freelancing opportunities in my field were few and far between. My savings began to dwindle with the financial strain of paying for school and life getting more expensive. It was then I realized that I needed a full-time job. As luck would have it, a great job opportunity practically landed in my lap.

Something else you should know about me is that I strongly believe the universe had (and continues to have) my back. She gave me a taste of what I craved but said, "This new job will help you get there. Maybe not right now, but later on. Trust me."

And so I let go. I'm still letting go. I’m learning to trust the universe—after years of not trusting her (more on that later)—and know I'll get to where I want to be, eventually.

The journey ahead will be difficult, but I’m grateful.

You see, I've enrolled in a different psychology program that begins in January, which will be fully paid for by my employer (yay!). But, this new program also means a longer path to obtaining my degree (boo!). Despite feeling a bit impatient and sad about not being in classes and charging full speed ahead (it’s taking everything in me to stay patient!), I'm grateful for the family, friends, and coworkers who are supporting me on this journey.

Until then, I knew I needed something else to make me feel more like myself. So, here I am, starting a newsletter on a Sunday to alleviate my boredom, or perhaps my feelings of depression, and scratch my creative itch. Since I’m no longer freelancing, I’m closing my LLC and repurposing the Word Spirit brand into...whatever this may become.

The best part of all this? As I sit on the sofa, passively watching Sunday football with my two favorite companions—my dog and my husband (not necessarily in that order)—I’m realizing that satisfying my creative urge may be what I've been missing all along. (Well, that, and other personal discoveries and life pivots that I'll detail in future newsletters).

So, let’s keep this conversation going, shall we? You can subscribe for free.

And if you’re feeling similarly, please don’t hesitate to leave a comment, or reach out to me on Instagram, or my new favorite social media platform, Threads. You’re not alone.

Hope to see you here again soon!

With love and gratitude,

Natalie