Chronic over-thinkers seldom make progress

“Does this title suck?”

(Me, to myself just now.)

A big part of me is wincing at the (sort of) shitty title (a play on a famous quote you're likely familiar with). Still, it was the first idea that sprang to mind as I pondered what I would write about next.

In case you missed it, I published my first post on a humdrum Sunday afternoon to alleviate my boredom and scratch a creative itch that's been nagging me for months. After free-writing and barely making any edits, I hit the publish button. Now I find myself with a dozen readers awaiting this post with bated breath (also, hi — thanks for being here! 👋).

As I agonized over what to write about this week, I eventually realized that the topic didn't matter. I mean, did I promise you anything in my first newsletter? No. A date I'd be hitting your inbox with the next one? Also, no. And were you actually eagerly waiting for this to arrive, or are you busy living your own life to truly notice? (I assume the latter, so I guess the pressure's off, at least a bit. 😉)

Thankfully for my own sanity, the topic became quite clear to me on this breezy Tuesday afternoon: overthinking and how it stops us from moving the needle forward, whether in work, relationships, personal goals, or, in my case, publishing newsletter number two.

Let’s discuss.

Does any of this sound like you?

• You're in a work meeting, bursting with an idea but afraid it isn't good enough to be considered, so you don't say a word.

• You like someone but are afraid to make the first move, so you wait and wait, and then it's too late.

• You know in your gut that a job, romantic relationship, friendship, or volunteer commitment has run its course. Still, you stay or endure because you fear the unknown or think it's just what you're supposed to do.

• Writing a simple social media caption, text, or email takes far too long because you don't want people to perceive you in a not-so-flattering light.

• You want to start a new hobby but are afraid you'll do it wrong, or worse yet, others will see you and point out that you're doing it wrong.

I could go on, but all these things share a common thread: missed opportunities due to fear. Our fear leads us to overthink, stopping us from doing what we want to do. And then we don't do another thing, and another, and we find ourselves stuck in a never-ending cycle of not taking the first step, which ultimately leads to stagnation, burnout, boredom, and even resentment.

Why we overthink

While I'm not a psychology expert, I can draw from personal experience and things I've learned from being in therapy for… let's say, a long time. 😅

I overthink because I'm afraid to look foolish or stupid. I don't want to do anything to embarrass myself. And I definitely don't want to let anyone down in any way. I want people to see me as intelligent, sophisticated, and reliable. And dare I say funny, and maybe even just a tad cool? Is that so much to ask? Yes! Because guess what? I'm messy, awkward, and human, and I drop the ball like everyone else.

Through therapy, I've learned that my desire for perfection has a myriad of root causes, too: a fairly strict, religious upbringing, traumatic events in my childhood, toxic work experiences, and mental health conditions (my friends Anxiety and Panic say hello, by the way!).

How I’m (trying) to stop overthinking

I need help with overthinking on the regular. But thankfully, I have some tools in my back pocket to help me mitigate intrusive thoughts that keep me stuck in freeze mode:

• Mindfulness. I try my hardest to focus on the present moment instead of what may or may not happen.

• Meditation. It helps with the mindfulness part. It's a daily thing, even for just five minutes. I focus on my breath or a daily mantra and use the Balance app for expert guidance.

• Therapy. I understand that being able to afford therapy is a privilege. Still, if you have the means and the right therapist, it can be a beautiful game-changer for us chronic over-thinkers.

• Tuning out the noise. I've started placing my phone in another room at 9 p.m. during the workweek. It's helped me stop doomscrolling and comparing myself to others on social media. Bonus: I'm starting to read fiction again, which inspires me (and I'm sleeping better, too!).

Do I do any of these things perfectly? Hardly. But I believe we have the power within us to change our daily habits and approach to just about anything, no matter how challenging. We just have to take action. And keep taking action, especially when we want to do something that feels scary or hard.

Taking action looks like publishing a newsletter without a set plan. It looks like continuing to be vulnerable, putting my messy, most authentic self out there — typos, grammatical mistakes, and all. As a writer by trade — that's pretty damn scary.

So, what can you expect from future newsletters?

I have concepts of a plan (ha!). For real, though, here are a few things I'm thinking about:

• Personal stories like the ones I've shared in this post and the first one

• What I'm doing to add more novelty and fulfillment to my life

• Questions or ideas for you to reflect on and discuss

• Things I'm enjoying that I think you'd like too

At the end of the day, this newsletter is meant to inspire you to make positive changes in your life. I hope that sharing my story will help you do the same. ❤️ 

What I’m noticing with this new hobby:

• I'm so excited to draw a card each morning to see what message of light the deck brings (here's the deck I bought if you're interested).

• I did a reading for my husband, and it met us with a lovely moment of connectedness.

• It's helping me appreciate the ebbs and flows of the week.

• There's always something we can either work at or release.

Let me know if you want me to keep you posted on my tarot practice!

Well, that's it. That's this week's newsletter (that may or may not suck 😉).

If any of this resonates with you, please reply to this email, leave a comment on the web version, or reach out to me on Instagram or Threads.

Hope to see you here again soon!

With love and gratitude,

Natalie