Happiness is overrated (seriously, it is)

Do you ever watch those ambient YouTube videos with cozy scenes and sounds, like raindrops on windowpanes against a coffee shop backdrop?

I currently have one playing on my smart TV (as I often do since moving to Las Vegas, where there's very little rainfall).

I've been living here for three years, and every year around this time, I miss dreary Midwest days when I wouldn't feel guilty for snuggling up with my pup on the sofa for hours.

Fall in the desert is weird.

Anyway, it's almost 7 p.m., and I'm still in my sweaty workout clothes, making dinner even though I don't feel like it. I also didn't feel like working out, but here we are.

Why didn't I feel like doing these things that typically bring me calmness and contentment?

Because I was in a bad mood, that's why! 

But you know what? I feel better now that I've worked out. And I know I will feel even better after eating a nourishing, home-cooked meal instead of ordering DoorDash for the third time this week. Plus, the rainy sounds make me feel nostalgic and grounded.

Yet, over the last couple of weeks, I skipped out on most things that make me feel like a whole person. I kept making excuses for it, too:

I'm too stressed.

I'm too tired.

I'm too anxious.

I'm too grumpy.

I'm too stretched for time.

So the other day, when my therapist opened our session with the usual "How've ya been?" I responded with an exasperated sigh, "I'm in a bad mood and have been all week."

As we unpacked why I couldn't shake my negative mindset, it quickly occurred to us that I was giving too much energy to my job and tending to others' needs instead of my own. And it was making me feel like shit.

Because I had become a shell of myself.

Of course, when you feel like shit, your mood goes to shit. And if you don't take a step back to get to the root of why you're feeling like complete garbage, you're doomed to keep repeating negative patterns.

So, this week, I made a promise to myself. No matter what, I'll listen to what my body, mind, and soul need. Whether it's a nutritious meal, a challenging workout, relaxation, or spending time with people I adore.

And tonight, even though I felt like shit, I focused on two of these things. Based on past experiences, I know these actions will shape the week ahead and help me tackle any challenges that pop up.

Oh, hi again. I started writing this newsletter last week and never finished it. Here's how I'm feeling now.

I've stayed the course this week and am in a much better mood. I'm no longer snapping at my husband or feeling reactive when an unexpected task hits my desk.

Are some days more stressful than others? Of course! But my mindset has improved because I feel more like myself since I'm doing things that make me feel whole.

And because I feel more like myself, it's easier for me to recognize and listen to my needs, and honestly, feel more content.

While I don't believe we should strive for happiness every day, we should seek contentment amidst the chaos. There's a lot going on in my personal life and in the world right now, which can be tough on someone as empathetic as I am.

Contentment is more of a long-term state of mind, that's within our reach, while consistent happiness can be more challenging to achieve. And don't even get me started on toxic positivity.

The happiness paradox

Some psychology experts say that the more we strive for happiness, the less happy we become. Why though? Because striving for happiness makes us focus on what we lack, which often leads to frustration and shitty moods that are hard to shake.

On the other hand, contentment is all about appreciating what we have right now. This mindset is more likely to be long-lived, and it can lead to more joyful little moments in our daily lives (I recently discovered these are called glimmers—adorable, right!?).

Shitty mood be gone!

Last week, I wasn’t feeling grateful because I was too focused on why I couldn't be happy and wishing for things I didn't have, like more time, a more positive mindset, and easier workdays. But this week, I've realized contentment is under my control. I can prioritize things that make me feel like a whole person; that I’m not just a corporate lackey or emotional dumping ground for other people's problems. I can change my mindset instead of wallowing in self-pity. I can also make my life easier by asking for help and taking care of me.

Now, excuse me while I bask in the glimmer of taking a 20-minute power nap in the middle of my workday (grateful for a work-from-home job!) because that's what I need to feel whole today.

What are you doing to bring novelty to your life right now? I’d love to hear from you!

Well, that's all for now, my friend!

I know this newsletter was shorter than others, but like I said before, I’m done overthinking everything I post online. 😄

I'm curious: Does any of what I shared resonate with you? I'd love to hear your thoughts! Reply to this email, leave a comment on the web version, or reach out to me on Instagram or Threads.

Hope to see you here again soon!

With love and gratitude,

Natalie